(Taken from 'Pictoral Palestine - by C.Lang Neil - 1890)

"ALL marry young, and amongst the Moslem peasants I have never heard of an old maid. Every girl knows that sooner or later she will be a bride, and as a rule, prepares, little by little, a "garment of needlework", a dress on which she works beautiful silk embroidery. There is no fixed time, as marriage depends on means, not age. Poor men cannot afford to marry young, though there is a possibility of overcoming the difficulty. If a youth has a sister he can exchange her for another man's sister, and both weddings are concluded on the same day with one feast. In the absence of any such probability, arrangements are made in the usual way.

The most important part of the marriage proposal is the sum offered as dowry, practically speaking among the poor this is the price paid for the girl, her purchase-money, which her father secures for himself and at last believes that a daughter is of some use and value. Richer people regard it as a provision for clothing and ornaments for the bride. But in all cases it is necessary to negotiate, for a fixed sum, and in this the bridegroom seldom takes a part, except amongst the poor. If we recall the marriage of Isaac, we find that Abraham’s steward undertook the delicate task, and we may, to a certain extent, assume that young men at that time were not supposed to be competent to choose a bride for themselves.

They are not always capable now, even in England, if we consider some of the misfortunes that often follow the important step in life. And where we read in the Bible of sons seeking their wives without the aid of their parents, the result has usually. been disastrous. Esau married without consulting his father, and this error in a great measure cost him the position that he might have expected to occupy.

The old ideas prevail in the land to this day, and the parents take upon themselves the burden of providing a mate for the son, and generally the means wherewith he is able to meet the obligations of the change in his life.

The dowry varies according to the beauty, age, and rank of the girl; if she is young and pretty the price is high and only a rich man can expect to possess her. When the bloom on her cheek begins to fade the initial cost of the marriage lessens until it is possible for even a poor man to raise the sum required.

A certain amount of sympathy might be expressed for the man without means, but his time for recompense will surely come; after a while he may, by the aid of a hard working wife, have saved enough to pay for another, a young and pretty one, for all Moslems are allowed to have four.

The dowry is not always paid in cash; its equivalent in camels, oxen or donkeys, will be accepted. On one occasion a notorious character in search of a wife agreed to give a yoke of oxen and four donkeys to a man for his daughter. They were duly delivered on the morning of the marriage feast, and the festival proceeded with great rejoicing. As the father-in-law lived by raiding other people’s cattle he was very much chagrined to find on the morning of the day following that he had been paid with his own animals. The action of the son-in-law was admired by all his new relations except the one he had outwitted, and he was regarded as a desirable acquisition to the family and a remarkably clever fellow. Among the Bedouin who dwell in tents, it is the reverse that often happens, and the son-in-law has cause to be annoyed. The bride is covered with her large blue veil, it is thrown from her back ‘over her head so that her features are invisible, and as her dress is in no way unlike the costume of the other women, it is impossible to know that she is the right one until the following morning. After the procession she sits in the women’s apartment of the tent in the dark, no light being allowed, she is not permitted to speak, such a proceeding being looked upon as immodest; she must sit in discreet silence while the praises of the bridegroom are being sung to her.

The father knows, like every other parent, that the older the daughter the less the dowry, and he is sufficiently alive to his own interests to part with the cheaper first especially if the higher sum is already secured. This happened in the case of Jacob, whose father and mother were absent and unable to look after his interests. Of his manner of paying the dowry we find many illustrations at the present day. If a young man has no hope of possessing a stipulated sum at one time, he pays by installments or serves for lower wages for a given period. The writer had a man servant who gave a medgedieh a month (3s. 4d.), until he had completed the sum total of 96 medgediehs or £16.

Though a man may elect to provide the dowry in this way he does so at considerable risk, for there is no hire system, he cannot take the girl after the first payment, and should the father die before the last installment has been delivered the brother who takes over the right of ownership in his sister may refuse to ratify the agreement made with his father and demand payment over again, and the poor love-sick swain has no remedy.

I was once called upon to arbitrate between two men who could not agree about the last installment. A young man had agreed to pay 3 Turkish pounds as dowry, and, in order to complete the amount, handed over five French gold pieces as a final settlement, saying they were worth more than the Turkish, but he was pleased to let the father have the difference because he loved the girl. This proceeding was so unusual that the prospective father-in-law demurred, and in order to satisfy himself that the payment was correct appealed to me. I was compelled to say, in the interests of justice and equity, that there was a difference of 10s on the wrong side, a French pound being worth 16s. and a Turkish, l8s.

Love is not supposed to exist until after marriage, though there have been stories told of "love matches," but there is always such an air of romance about them that one is inclined to think they are fables. Marriage is far too serious for love to enter into the contract. It would be useless for a lover to declare his passion if he could not purchase the object of his affection.

Sinful love is punished with death; it is, therefore, a dangerous expedient to tamper with the property of another man by carrying off his daughter. Some time ago a girl eloped with a young Greek Christian; they sought what appeared to them a safe and secure refuge, in the camp of a Bedouin tribe, where they thought no relative would follow, but the brother of the maiden became aware of their destination and started in pursuit. The gallant lover having conveniently disappeared on business for a time, his bride received her brother alone, and, after a time, yielded to his entreaties to return to the parental roof from whence the marriage was to take place with the consent of her relations.

The return journey commenced after messages had been sent to the recalcitrant lover, but as soon as a lonely and secluded part of the road was reached the brother turned and shot his sister, then skinned, her face and hung it on the branch of a tree as a warning to all who desired to enter wedlock in a roundabout way.

There is no fear of the wife being returned to her father when once she is in her husband’s care, as he cannot afford to part very readily with what has perhaps caused him years to procure. Divorce is easy enough. Should a man wish to avail himself of this means of disposing of his wife, the words "igi talak hi thal~ti", "I divorce you thrice," said in the presence of witnesses, being sufficient to annul any contract. The facility of divorce and its practice was severely condemned by Christ in very distinct and measured terms. It is rarely resorted to now.

A story is related of a young man in Jerusalem who possessed a very pretty wife and a bad temper. In a moment of passion he lost them both. Returning home one day in an irritable frame of mind, ready to quarrel with everybody and everything, he was met by his wife with a look that showed her want of appreciation of his ill humour; whereupon he used words and expressions that his favourite warmly resented, and before he really knew what he had said the fatal words escaped his lips—" Bi talak bi thalati."

At once the injured one removed to her father’s house. According to the law a man cannot remarry his divorced wife until she has married someone else and been divorced from him. His wife’s instant departure cooled his passion. He gazed at her retreating figure in bewildered astonishment; then, having collected his scattered senses, realised with dismay the consequences of his wanton behaviour, and turned his steps in the direction of his mother’s house to seek advice.

The only way out of the difficulty was to engage the services of a reliable friend. He accordingly sought one and related to him his tale of woe. After consultation the friend agreed to serve him, arid it was decided that overtures should be made for an immediate marriage, to be followed by a speedy divorce to enable the disunited pair to marry again.

Everything went happily until the second marriage was over. There was then a noticeable delay in the remaining part of the friend’s service. The first husband called to see him and urged him to send away the wife according to agreement so that he could take her to his heart again, but he refused, saying "Oh! No, I like her too well myself."

When all preliminaries are settled and the nuptial day fixed, the people in the neighbourhood are very busy The most noticeable feature is the change of costume. All who are bidden to the feast consider it necessary to array themselves in their best clothing; the wedding garment is brought, a bright coloured kombaz worn over the white shirt. See St. Matt. xxii., 11. No invited guest would ever present himself at the feast without his wedding garment. Where many are asked, as on the occasion of the marriage of the son of a sheikh or chief, it is possible for a man who has not received an invitation to enjoy the repast provided, if he is suitably attired. The governor and his assistants arrange the details of the feast and look after the comforts of the guests, and they are responsible for the admission and entertainment of all who appear at the wedding. The bride is seated on a camel or a horse, covered with a veil and decked out for the occasion. (Rev. xxi., 2), "As a bride adorned for her husband." (Isa. lxi., 10), "As a bride adorneth herself with her jewels." (Jer. ii., 32), Can a maid forget her ornaments, or a bride her attire?" (Ps. xlv., 14), "She shall be brought unto the King in a raiment of needlework."

If she has not to be fetched from a neighbouring village, a semblance of this proceeding takes place near her own residence, she must be brought to the bridegroom’s house accompanied by a numerous train. As the sun sets, the cavalcade winds slowly round the hill on which the houses stand, guns are fired, drums beaten, and as much noise as it is possible to create with voice, instrument and arms is supposed to be a part of the marriage. The crowd around the bride conducts her to the bridegroom’s abode, there to await his coming. (Psalm xlv., 14, 15), "

The women, all except those who superintend the cooking, remain with her.

The men assemble on the threshing floor, as it is generally the only large open space to be found, where the food is brought on trays and placed before them. When the meal is over, another important part of the ceremony follows. The governor and his helpers walk round the circle of guests to collect the presents - always money, which they deposit on a carpet before the bridegroom, who reclines on a raised couch in a conspicuous part of the assembly. Every man gives as much as he can afford, and in order to stimulate the spirit of emulation, as each presents his gift, twice or thrice the actual sum is shouted with the name of the giver, and every good blessing is promised for him and his family.

If the presents are as numerous as the guests, and they are many - at one marriage I remember the number of guests was so great that 162 sheep were killed and eaten - the bridegroom tarries until the last coin has been collected. Then, with the same noise that followed the bride, the procession to the house begins, and the women waiting with their lamps can hear that the bridegroom comes. A plentiful supply of oil will have been necessary if the feast has been imposing, as the time of his approach can only be known when the shouts begin.

Guests may have come late or left early, the women and girls that are waiting cannot ascertain, they therefore know not the hour when the bridegroom shall appear. (See St. Matt. xxv., 1-13.)"